Scars and Checkmarks
I wont be getting any replies from you, because your blocked. Just seeing your name in my inbox gives me the shakes.... I cant be talking to you, or trying to help you after you fucked around this summer after you pretended I never existed---- after our unhealthy relationship and all the things you have said and done to me... after moving on in a matter of weeks....... I cant come back Kyle. I have self respect.



I wrote this to you June 25th,

how can you tell me that i got rid of you?? when you pushed me away everyday, hoping i would hate you, leave you , and forget you......... dont you fucking dare tell me that.... how dare you......

you dont realize what you have done to me.
your replies are so short.... because there is nothing you can say to make it better.

quit. give up. you always do.
its what i expect of you.

you will throw me away again.
move on, make it easier for me now


THIS WAS YOUR REPLY:

I will not throw you away again. I will not let you go again. I will not give up......so dont expect it. I could do and say a lot more in person.
Kyle

And Yet: you did throw me away. You were not true to me. You did Give up. You did Fuck me over. and I DID EXPECT IT!!

Isn't it funny how much you really showed me. How funny it is to think I thought you could actually keep your word?? Your someone I never thought you could be. There are many reasons why I can't go back--- many reasons not to believe in you and many reasons to forget everything I possibly can. Read our messages--- see the difference between the things you said and the things you did. You wonder why I didn't take you back this summer? Beacuse I knew in my heart I loved you more then you could ever possibly love me and that you were capable of hurting me more then YOU will ever know. I would never ever do those things to you. FInd a girl like me, find a girl who loved you like I did, find a girl who could put up with your awful behavior and attitude. YOU WONT.

Maybe if you can change for the better you will be happy and find someone--- but for the person you have turned out to be I wish you the best of luck.


I love being able to write to you knowing you cant write back......... I felt invisible for months when I was with you--- now you know the feeling of going unnoticed. I told you everyday you were losing me and you laughed in my face and told me to get the fuck out of your way--- I looked deep into your eyes and found that the Boy I loved with my whole heart didnt have the capacity to love me the same way back.

I look at your face on my zune every night........ sometimes I find myself smiling--- thinking how much I loved to kiss you when you smiled, how I loved to lay down with your hand under my head, how I loved to keep my feet warm by putting them under yours, how I loved to admire you from afar...... I really Loved you. I thought you loved me too, I thought I was receiving the same feelings in return. But then reality kicks in--- and it really kicked my ass.


All the little dreams and hopes I had faded into faint scars that will forever be imprinted upon my heart. And I will always remember how. I will always remember who. I will always remember when. But I will never know why.